The Default Wins When Nobody Decides Anything

Have you ever looked back at a month and had trouble remembering what you did? Nothing went wrong, and the weeks still blur together when you look back.

Most of those weeks run on what we always do. You come home the same way, dinner happens, and you watch something until it’s time for bed. Saturday turns into groceries and laundry and catching up around the house, because nobody suggested anything else. None of that is bad. It’s what a week does on its own, and enough of those weeks in a row is how “we should get together sometime” turns into six months.

What Living by Default Looks Like

One evening I caught myself walking the dogs while planning tomorrow in my head, from work to everything at the house that still needed doing. When we got home, I couldn’t have told you much about the walk. I don’t remember what the dogs stopped to sniff or who we passed. I was outside the whole time, and my mind was somewhere else.

Whole weeks go the same way. We move through them thinking about what’s next, and before we notice, this week has become last week. Most people I know aren’t living badly, and a lot of their weeks still run on default. Mine do too.

The default is hard to see because nothing goes wrong. It’s another Saturday spent on the to-do list because nobody asked whether there was room for anything else, or a beautiful evening spent inside because staying in was easier than deciding where to go.

The Question We Start the Week With

Lately, Tom and I have started each week with one question: what can we do this week that we’ll remember?

Some weeks the answer is dinner with friends or mini golf with Sam. Other weeks it’s coffee outside after work, or a Cardinals game on a Wednesday night. None of it is extraordinary, and that’s fine. We just want each week to be remembered for something besides what had to get done.

A Small Decision Is Enough

The way out of the default is usually a small decision, like making sure this week includes dinner with friends, or texting someone before another month goes by. Sometimes it’s as simple as sitting on the patio for twenty minutes because it’s finally cool outside.

I’ll forget sometimes, and some weeks will run on default anyway. The next week is another chance to decide.

If you’d like to try it, ask yourself the question tonight: what can I do this week that I’ll remember? Then put the answer on the calendar. And if the answer is bigger than one week can hold, give it a date this month instead. If it keeps getting crowded out by an already-full list, this post on why a short goal list can still feel like too much might help.

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Getting clear on what matters, then making room for it, is where the Fully Lived Framework begins. Its first part, Compass, is built around exactly that.